It's kind of fun to do the impossible

penicillium-pusher:

captocie:

penicillium-pusher:

I don’t trust Maroon 5

why

Well first of all there’s 7 band members, not 5. That’s not why I don’t trust them, I just think it’s weird.

Now getting to the point, do you know how many top 100 hits Maroon 5 has had? A lot. They’re even on billboards top 100 artists of all time (ALL TIME). And it’s understandable, because pretty much every song they put out is fucking awesome. Sugar, Don’t Wanna Know, Moves Like Jagger, Payphone, This Love, She Will Be Loved, Cold, Animals, Maps, Misery, Harder to Breathe, Never Gonna Leave This Bed… to name a FEW.

These shitheads have been popping out jams since I was a little kid. Well over a decade worth of killer music. Every other song I hear on the radio is Maroon 5. It’s always Maroon 5. And I fucking love it. I love all their songs. Everyone does, they’re awesome.

But here’s the thing. They’re never the top selling artists. On the top 100 list, they’re only in the 40s. They very rarely have a number 1 hit. They’re considered good, I suppose….. but not great. Not the best.

How many people have you heard say Maroon 5 is their favorite band? For me it’s zero. For many of you, it’s zero. If you’re thinking to yourself “what? No I love them, they’re my fave!” Are you sure? Are you really sure? They’re your absolute complete FAVORITE band ever??? I doubt it. You’re just saying that because the band is on your mind now. If I asked you your fave band any other time you’d come up with another answer. Everyone always does.

But they SHOULD be everyone favorites. Look at all of those songs. They’ve got so many top hits. Everyone loves their music. Everyone sings along and knows the songs. They should be my favorite band, I think I like more of their songs than of my actual favorite artist. But they are not my favorite. They are no ones favorite.

I think they made a deal with someone. Satan? God? A dude down an alleyway? Who knows. But I believe they made a deal to ensure everyone would love their music. And we do. It’s great music.

But the twist is that they’ll never truly be recognized as one of the best. Sure, their songs will play on the radio and everyone will sing along. They’ll have sold out concerts. Plenty of fans. But not enough. They’ll be just good. Never great. Never the best. Even if they should be our favorite, they never will be. They’ll never sell enough albums or have their songs reach as high on the billboards as they should. Everyone loves their music, per the agreement. But no one loves them.

I hope Adam Levine knows I’m on to him. I know what he did.

(via cunthulu420)

thefrogman:

sirfrogsworth:

A lot of people were perplexed by criticism of AOC using her free time and “government wages” to play video games. 

It’s her money. They know that. 

But conservative logic is never very logical.

“Robert” later tried to justify his comment. 

And James felt the need to tack this on to Robert’s justification.

These two seem very concerned about how congresspeople manage their finances. If $400 to play a video game is a big deal I wonder how they reacted to this… 

This idea of AOC “wasting taxpayer money” is an extension of a much more common criticism she gets. They think earning money is antithetical to her ideals–constantly telling her that because she is a “socialist” she should be giving her salary away. 

It’s a constant theme in her Twitter replies. 

And it is a continuing frustration of mine that conservatives don’t know what the hell socialism is. I mean, one of the goals of Democratic Socialism is that charity shouldn’t be necessary because everyone’s needs are met. So I’m not sure where they got this “GIVE YOUR MONEY AWAY!” schtick.

They see all socialism as akin to authoritarian Soviet Union style “communism” or authoritarian Cuban style “communism” or corrupt Venezuelan “socialism” or the authoritarian “Communist” Party of China. 

None of those examples are particularly socialist. More rebrands and bastardizations. Conservatives always ignore the “corrupt” and “authoritarian” qualifiers and then also refuse to acknowledge that people can call things whatever they want–even if it is inaccurate. Hence the oft debunked “Nazis were socialists” trope.  

I mean, I’m a chubby hairy human that wears a bear hat and I call myself “The Frogman.” 

(When I send unsolicited duck pics, people are very confused.)

In their minds, socialism is just bread lines and empty shelves.

Note: Picture taken in an American CVS during a pandemic where capitalism almost immediately collapsed into a hellscape with nothing to wipe our bums.

Well, almost nothing…

Then you’ll hear them bring up “wealth redistribution.” 

I’m pretty sure this is how they imagine that concept…

1. Everyone lines up and puts all of their money into a giant pot. 
2. The money is counted.
3. The people are counted.
4. The total amount of money is divided by the number of people. 
5. Everyone lines up again and each person is given the same amount.
6. Societal collapse.
7. Cannibalism?

Yadda yadda yadda… “And that’s how you get vEneZuELa!” 

Except… no one is proposing anything like that. That was nowhere on Bernie’s presidential to-do list. 

(Some might think that is a “Bernie is old” joke but, like me, he believes regular bowel movements are important at any age. Get that fiber, kids.) 

Even with universal basic income, you can still earn beyond what you are given. But the right can’t resist a sad simplification of progressive policies. Personally, I think a more accurate term would be “wealth equity”–meaning peoples’ labor is valued appropriately and all wages are enough to live on.

AOC makes about $175K per year. She is constantly reminded of this and told she has come into great wealth. And, yes, it sounds pretty decent, but she has to maintain two living spaces with high security (she gets constant death threats) and she must travel back and forth from DC to New York quite a bit. 

Her salary is above average, but I think her labor is valued appropriately. And I don’t think she takes that for granted. 

She takes her role as “representative” very literally. 

She doesn’t do the typical 9 to 5 and clock out. She works as much as she can fit into her day without burning out. You’ll often see Instagram stories at 10pm where she is just finishing her day. She travels back to her district much more than many of her fellow representatives. She actually cares for her constituents and communicates with them regularly via community outreach and town halls and… visiting their bitchin’ Animal Crossing islands. 

Recently she set up a food bank and organized a team to help her personally deliver necessities to people affected by COVID-19. 

Her NY office has also been calling everyone to check up on them and ask if they need anything. 

Can you imagine Mitch McConnell doing that?

The other reason they think she should give all her money away is because they don’t think she earns it. They say she hasn’t passed a single piece of legislation. This shows a deep ignorance of how Congress works. For one thing, freshman reps rarely have the cachet to create and pass their own legislation. That said, she is a sponsor or co-sponsor of 13 bills currently. 

Unfortunately, any progressive legislation created in the House goes directly under Mitch McConnell’s ass where he proudly sits on it.

It’s hard to create legislation when a surly turtle man refuses to even put it up for consideration. 

Maybe we should see how she compares with another legislator and their lawmaking achievements. How about everyone’s favorite Canadian Texan… Ted Cruz! A man only his daughter could love. 

Or not.

Ted has had 4 terms and sponsored 180 bills. That’s a lot more than 13. However, a grand total of 2 have become law. Though I am sad to see this one did not get any traction. 

So Ted’s had more time and more chances but his batting average is about the same. Also, AOC is trying to save the planet and Ted can’t get balloon pilots to shape up and fly right. 

Beyond that, creating new laws is not all that representatives do. Another important job is oversight and investigation. That whole “checks & balances” thing we are struggling to hold on to. 

AOC was put on the Financial Services Committee which is super rare for a first-term representative. And I think this is where she really “earns” her pay. Her questioning of capitalist scumbags is something to behold. She doesn’t waste her time. She is extremely prepared. And she is able to draw useful information out of just about anyone she questions. 

One of my favorite exchanges was when she questioned Michael Cohen. While others were wasting their time trying to get him to bad mouth the president or catch him in lies, she got him to point directly at where the bodies are buried and at the people who covered them up. 

If we are ever able to hold Trump accountable, I have no doubt these answers will be very useful and damning. 

And if you want to watch an hour of her grilling more scumbags and making them look like giant tools (among other things), this compilation is pretty great. 

I don’t believe in stanning politicians. I want to remain objective and not find myself in a position where I defend their every action and statement. I want to be able to criticize and influence them to work for the best interests of me and those I care about. 

We the people are their boss.  

That said… it is really hard for me not to break that rule for AOC. Because she always seems to be fighting for the dignity of the downtrodden. 

Conservatives are right to fear her. She has a chance to inspire a new generation that will destroy their backwards 1950s values and create a more equitable society.   

They try to call her stupid, but that falls apart under any amount of scrutiny. 

They try to call her a child of privilege, an elite, and a fraud…

Wow, look at that palatial estate!

But then they also try to say she is just a lowly bartender not worthy of the Congress of the United States. 

They can’t make up their minds.

And then there is the most common attack they all fall back on when they can’t find anything else to criticize. 

She magically, and all on her own, swatted Amazon away from New York and lost like… a zillion jobs. 

Even though she really only amplified a movement led by many of her constituents. (Ya know, those people she represents.) You can find this great sin mentioned in many of her Twitter threads–whether it is relevant or not. 

Some folks even bought a billboard in New York. 

(By “some folks” I mean small business owner and billionaire founder of Home Depot, Bernie Marcus.)

All of those numbers are misleading and it doesn’t mention the billions of dollars in subsidies New York was planning to give for the privilege of having an Amazon headquarters. 

But… Amazon came anyway… without the incentives. 

No, it wasn’t quite the 25,000 jobs that Amazon promised they’d deliver. But having Amazon around hasn’t exactly worked out for everyone and she was probably right about it being a bad idea. 

The attempts to quash her spirit have been unsuccessful. She continues to thrive and gain momentum in her career. They seem to be running out of ways to criticize her so they have become desperate to find things that will tear her down. She seems to have inherited Obama’s “Grey Poupon” attacks on the daily now. 

With everything she does, they must find some way to criticize. This Animal Crossing thing is only the latest ridiculous attempt. And it wasn’t just “Robert” saying that–the GOP candidate running against her tried the very same thing. 

I wonder how that went for her. 

I think one of my favorite failed attempts at criticism was when the news broke that AOC was using her own campaign contributions to feed her district during this pandemic. 

This is the money she needs to get reelected. You’d think this selfless act that risks her campaign’s resources would be seen as positive… even by the coldest right wing hearts. Seems like a safe, criticism-free activity. 

But as Dr. Ian Malcolm said…  

Suddenly they all became campaign finance experts. 

“You are feeding the poor incorrectly!”
–Jesus probably

It would seem they didn’t google the FEC regulations before making this accusation.

And if they are truly that concerned about campaign finance laws, then I’ve got a doozy for them. 

Remember kids, never leave a paper trail when paying off adult film stars.

In conclusion, my personal politician-stanning rules be damned… 

AOC has twirled into my heart and given me hope that things can change. 

I think she’s neato and I want to have a puppy playdate with Otis and Deco. 

BONUS: I did a quick mockup to see how cute a Deco and Otis puppy playdate might be. 

Pretty cute, I’d say.

(via satellitesandfallingstars)

c-is-for-circinate:

1. I am, this very moment, drunk on one full bottle of $8 wine and sitting in a bathtub, 85% of the way through with Pride and Prejudice.  I have not read this book since I was 15 and every girl in my high school class was in love with Mr. Darcy, and I said I was too, because he was smart and witty and contrary, and that must be what it means to be in love with somebody.  That must, of course, be why you fall in love with a man, because he is witty and contrary and saves your sister, and understands your circumstances, and loves you back, and that is of course what love means.
   
   
2. I am in my bathtub.  I live alone in this apartment.  I am 33 years old and my mother has co-signed the lease, for my credit is poor and my ability to prove my own worth as a lessor, as an adult, as a human worthy of respect under capitalism, is as weak as ever there was.  I pay the rent in full every month precisely on time, for the only alternative is to move in with my mother and her ailing husband my father, and tonight I am drunk on rosé and reading a book I have not read since high school, and my independence is borrowed but no less dear to me.
   
   
3. Earlier tonight, and yesterday, and last week, I pretended to a score of teenagers that I knew things they didn’t.  I taught them calculus and how to use the English language and how to pass tests that measure nothing to get into schools that teach them nothing and everything so they can get into schools who will give them degrees that will give them jobs that suit the parents that pay me.  If I lived in Jane Austen’s time I would be a governess.  I’d be good at it.  I know the English language well, and I can use it and I can teach it, and I understand what other people mean, and I understand this book better than I did when I was 15 and did not know what love was except on the few TV shows that were syndicated to Fox at 11 PM on a weekday night.
   
   
4. Two days ago I helped a friend move.  Two days ago I, and ten other people, mostly women but also some not-women, some men, some not-any, helped a friend move, and half of them never met her before two weeks ago.  One month ago my friend who I barely knew came back to knit night and said, I’ve broken up with my fiance, and two days ago a dozen of us descended upon her place even though none of us had ever been there before and moved her into a storage unit in four hours of work because that is what you do.  That is exactly what you do.  That’s what a community is, even if you haven’t ever even met the person in need, you show up and you carry boxes and you play Tetris in a storage locker and you drive a car you’ve never sat in before and you make sure, you make sure this girl who belongs to the people you belong to does not ever, ever face her ex alone.
   
   
5. I did not kiss my friend.  I made her soup, and she fell asleep on my couch, and I sent her home to my girlfriend, and I stayed alone in my apartment that I pay for every month in my mother’s name, and later on the bookshelfs I built with my own hands I found Pride and Prejudice, which I read when I was 16, and started to read, which tonight I am finishing in my bathtub with an entire fair-trade chocolate bar and one entire $8 bottle of wine.
   

physticuffs:

argumate:

there’s a ton of shit you can get in life if you’re willing to submit yourself to the mortifying horror of asking for it.

me: can i take this exam…a different time?
prof: sure
me, crying on the inside from the effort of asking: thanks!

(via somecreachur)

jennidinoia:

jennidinoia:

elphaba isn’t wearing her glasses in all of act II. can she even see??? Is she ok

‘i don’t even know what i’m reading’
well that explains it

(via wrench-wench)

shannonhale:

I was presenting an assembly for kids grades 3-8 while on book tour for the third PRINCESS ACADEMY book.

Me: “So many teachers have told me the same thing. They say, ‘When I told my students we were reading a book called PRINCESS ACADEMY, the girls said—’”

I gesture to the kids and wait. They anticipate what I’m expecting, and in unison, the girls scream, “YAY!”

Me: “'And the boys said—”

I gesture and wait. The boys know just what to do. They always do, no matter their age or the state they live in.

In unison, the boys shout, “BOOOOO!”

Me: “And then the teachers tell me that after reading the book, the boys like it as much or sometimes even more than the girls do.”

Audible gasp. They weren’t expecting that.

Me: “So it’s not the story itself boys don’t like, it’s what?”
The kids shout, “The name! The title!”

Me: “And why don’t they like the title?”

As usual, kids call out, “Princess!”

But this time, a smallish 3rd grade boy on the first row, who I find out later is named Logan, shouts at me, “Because it’s GIRLY!”

The way Logan said “girly"…so much hatred from someone so small. So much distain. This is my 200-300th assembly, I’ve asked these same questions dozens of times with the same answers, but the way he says “girly” literally makes me take a step back. I am briefly speechless, chilled by his hostility.

Then I pull it together and continue as I usually do.

“Boys, I have to ask you a question. Why are you so afraid of princesses? Did a princess steal your dog? Did a princess kidnap your parents? Does a princess live under your bed and sneak out at night to try to suck your eyeballs out of your skull?”

The kids laugh and shout “No!” and laugh some more. We talk about how girls get to read any book they want but some people try to tell boys that they can only read half the books. I say that this isn’t fair. I can see that they’re thinking about it in their own way.

But little Logan is skeptical. He’s sure he knows why boys won’t read a book about a princess. Because a princess is a girl—a girl to the extreme. And girls are bad. Shameful. A boy should be embarrassed to read a book about a girl. To care about a girl. To empathize with a girl.

Where did Logan learn that? What does believing that do to him? And how will that belief affect all the girls and women he will deal with for the rest of his life?

At the end of my presentation, I read aloud the first few chapters of THE PRINCESS IN BLACK. After, Logan was the only boy who stayed behind while I signed books. He didn’t have a book for me to sign, he had a question, but he didn’t want to ask me in front of others. He waited till everyone but a couple of adults had left. Then, trembling with nervousness, he whispered in my ear, “Do you have a copy of that black princess book?”

He wanted to know what happened next in her story. But he was ashamed to want to know.

Who did this to him? How will this affect how he feels about himself? How will this affect how he treats fellow humans his entire life?

We already know that misogyny is toxic and damaging to women and girls, but often we assume it doesn’t harm boys or mens a lick. We think we’re asking them to go against their best interest in the name of fairness or love. But that hatred, that animosity, that fear in little Logan, that isn’t in his best interest. The oppressor is always damaged by believing and treating others as less than fully human. Always. Nobody wins. Everybody loses. 

We humans have a peculiar tendency to assume either/or scenarios despite all logic. Obviously it’s NOT “either men matter OR women do.” It’s NOT “we can give boys books about boys OR books about girls.” It’s NOT “men are important to this industry OR women are.“ 

It’s not either/or. It’s AND.

We can celebrate boys AND girls. We can read about boys AND girls. We can listen to women AND men. We can honor and respect women AND men. And And And. I know this seems obvious and simplistic, but how often have you assumed that a boy reader would only read a book about boys? I have. Have you preselected books for a boy and only offered him books about boys? I’ve done that in the past. And if not, I’ve caught myself and others kind of apologizing about it. “I think you’ll enjoy this book EVEN THOUGH it’s about a girl!” They hear that even though. They know what we mean. And they absorb it as truth.

I met little Logan at the same assembly where I noticed that all the 7th and 8th graders were girls. Later, a teacher told me that the administration only invited the middle school girls to my assembly. Because I’m a woman. I asked, and when they’d had a male author, all the kids were invited. Again reinforcing the falsehood that what men say is universally important but what women say only applies to girls.

One 8th grade boy was a big fan of one of my books and had wanted to come, so the teacher had gotten special permission for him to attend, but by then he was too embarrassed. Ashamed to want to hear a woman speak. Ashamed to care about the thoughts of a girl.

A few days later, I tweeted about how the school didn’t invite the middle school boys. And to my surprise, twitter responded. Twitter was outraged. I was blown away. I’ve been talking about these issues for over a decade, and to be honest, after a while you feel like no one cares. 

But for whatever reason, this time people were ready. I wrote a post explaining what happened, and tens of thousands of people read it. National media outlets interviewed me. People who hadn’t thought about gendered reading before were talking, comparing notes, questioning what had seemed normal. Finally, finally, finally.

And that’s the other thing that stood out to me about Logan—he was so ready to change. Eager for it. So open that he’d started the hour expressing disgust at all things “girly” and ended it by whispering an anxious hope to be a part of that story after all. 

The girls are ready. Boy howdy, we’ve been ready for a painful long time. But the boys, they’re ready too. Are you?

I’ve spoken with many groups about gendered reading in the last few years. Here are some things that I hear:

A librarian, introducing me before my presentation: “Girls, you’re in for a real treat. You’re going to love Shannon Hale’s books. Boys, I expect you to behave anyway.”

A book festival committee member: “Last week we met to choose a keynote speaker for next year. I suggested you, but another member said, ‘What about the boys?’ so we chose a male author instead.”

A parent: “My son read your book and he ACTUALLY liked it!”

A teacher: “I never noticed before, but for read aloud I tend to choose books about boys because I assume those are the only books the boys will like.”

A mom: “My son asked me to read him The Princess in Black, and I said, ‘No, that’s for your sister,’ without even thinking about it.”

A bookseller: “I’ve stopped asking people if they’re shopping for a boy or a girl and instead asking them what kind of story the child likes.”

Like the bookseller, when I do signings, I frequently ask each kid, “What kind of books do you like?” I hear what you’d expect: funny books, adventure stories, fantasy, graphic novels. I’ve never, ever, EVER had a kid say, “I only like books about boys.” Adults are the ones with the weird bias. We’re the ones with the hangups, because we were raised to believe thinking that way is normal. And we pass it along to the kids in sometimes  overt (“Put that back! That’s a girl book!”) but usually in subtle ways we barely notice ourselves.

But we are ready now. We’re ready to notice and to analyze. We’re ready to be thoughtful. We’re ready for change. The girls are ready, the boys are ready, the non-binary kids are ready. The parents, librarians, booksellers, authors, readers are ready. Time’s up. Let’s make a change.

(via gilnitz)

takarnage-entourage:

takarnage-entourage:

Do y’all ever feel like a toddler trying to take care of itself

Like I just spent 30 mins eating random unsatisfying snacks until I finally figured out I was just thirsty

(via cyberdramon)

lj-lyall:

lj-lyall:

My friend works two jobs and doesn’t tend to specify which one he’s talking about, so he’ll say stuff like “a lady died at work today” and the rest of us have to play a fun little game called Nursing Home Or Yankee Candle.

Today he goes “someone threw a candle at me at work >:(” and I think I can finally reliably pin down one of his anecdotes but nope! It was the wretched nursing home!!!!!

(via satellitesandfallingstars)